Realizations

Sometimes they come slowly, giving me time to come to terms with them. 
Sometimes they are so enlightening that it can change my whole point of view.
Sometimes they are what I call Aha Moments.
Sometimes... Most times... They are nearly soul crushing. The weight of them hitting so quickly and with such force that it becomes difficult to breathe. They cause physical pain that can last for hours or even days. These ones make me question myself in ways that are far from healthy, and so I try to at least make something bright out of the dark.
It's never easy. And I mostly despise myself during those times.
I must be blind. Or dumb. Likely both. 
Too Much. I've heard that so many times. It wasn't until this morning that I realized I am not Too Much the way the feminist movement would have me be.
I am an entirely different kind of Too Much.
I choose kindness, empathy, gentleness, compassion, joy, simplicity, forgiveness and honesty. 
These qualities have become so very rare that when presented with them, most people do not know how to process them.
I'd be stupid to let you go.
You've treated me better than anyone ever has.
You're everything I've been looking for.
Please don't let him screw this up, you are perfect for each other.
I adore you.
I love you.
Beautiful words that a starving soul clings to. 
Inevitably, they stay just words. No actions follow to support those words, causing them to fall flat and shatter at my feet.
There is no other choice but to keep moving forward. I have miles to go before I sleep.
I am just so very tired.

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