Tender Mercies

The Lord has been so very good to me. 
I don't feel like I deserve any of it.
And yet, He keeps blessing me. Over and over. They just keep coming.
Maybe I'm looking at it all wrong.
I looked around and watched others stretch their wings and fly. I marvelled at their grace and beauty as they successfully soared. My fear was huge, and I tried mightily to hide it. False Bravado became the mask that I wore. But every time I spread my wings and stepped off the branch, my wings would falter and flutter, not catching the lift that I needed to fly. More than once, an unexpected gust would tumble me far away from the shelter of His love and guidance.
I didn't understand. Tears fell. Pleas for relief seemed unheard. And it kept getting darker. I couldn't imagine anything worse, but worse always showed up. 
I broke. I finally recognized how bad it really was. In the exhausted aftermath of the mental crisis I found myself in, when I had screamed myself into silence, I heard Him. 
Well, felt, really.
A very small feeling, but strong enough that I grabbed onto it and swore to hold on to it.
In the last 5 years, I have been shown how hard I really did work. I can look back and see the one set of footprints and know what that means. 
If He, the God that created everything that I love, could be so invested in not losing me, then I promise you, He loves you the exact same amount. 
Understanding my role in His plan has been a difficult lesson, but one I am incredibly blessed with every day. 
He showed up with the comparison He needed me to see, the biggest smile and the best hug I've ever had.
He knew I'd come through. He knew I wouldn't let Him down. 
I am so humbled Thank you seems so very small for what He gives every single moment. So I keep trying to show Him. And He rejoices with me every single time. 
His patience is endless and His joy is nearly tangible.
Thank you, Father.

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