Best Friends

Ten years ago, I made a decision that has completely altered my life. Looking back, the changes that have come from that choice have been for the best. I have been blessed beyond what I could have ever imagined.

Ten years ago, I left the man that I had pledged to spend eternity with.

But that is a post, or rather, a series of posts, for another day.

I have been through some of the hardest things I could never have imagined. I have been married, and divorced, twice more. I nearly lost my life to medical reasons twice. I nearly took my own life. I've been beaten, mind fucked, abused in every way imaginable, lied about, lied to, taken advantage of...

But I digress.

I had hoped that the split could be amicable. 

He showed his truest colors right from the  beginning. So I needed an attorney.

Fabulous.

Most of the attorneys I had ever had dealings with had been less than ethical, in my opinion. Granted, I was not privy to most of the case details and I had a lot to learn.

Ugh... Digressing again.

I googled a family law attorney and decided to go with the firm we had used when he had adopted my son.

That first phone call was one I will always remember. I was scared beyond belief because I knew what my ex was capable of.

The voice on the other end of the line was one of trust and calm. That voice has become one of my truest and most trusted friends.

I'll call him Mr. A.

Mr. A is one of the most human and most caring individuals I have ever known. 

The divorce was awful, in my way of thinking, but Mr. A assured me time and again that it wasn't as bad as it could have been. He gave so many examples that nearly broke my brain. How in the world can people be so cruel?!?

Over time, and with so many different things happening, one right after the other, I came to admire Mr. A. His level of calm and his solid advice saved me more times than I can count.

He told me something in the very beginning that I have never forgotten. He explained that he was a veteran and as such would never start a fight. He would absolutely end the fight, but would never start one. Being a veteran myself, I not only understood that line of thinking, I fully supported it.

I came out better than I hoped for. 

But my journey was far from over. 

My ex wanted to fight and ultimately destroy my life. Mr. A was always there to guide me through it. He came to understand that I always did my best to own my truth, even if it meant that I needed to rein in my sometimes over the top way of going about things.

There are memories that would take days to write out. And I cherish every single one of them.

Mr. A is younger than me, but he taught me more about how to become who I was fighting to be that anyone ever had. He did so with kindness, gentleness and with a sense of humor that has helped me more than he may ever know.

We laughed and were petty, always in private. I cried and he helped me find the light. I made huge mistakes and he led me back into straight thinking. He rejoiced with me, he sorrowed with me, he jokingly plotted with me, he laughed with me. He stood by me when I was utterly and completely alone. 

That memory is one that will never fade.

I never dreamed that someone of my background would be lucky enough to find a friend of this caliber.

Over the last ten years, the amount of phone calls and text messages that we have shared is staggering, even to me. (I live and die by my phone. Shocking, I know)

He has lifted me and counseled me and straightened me more times than I can count. I wished nothing more than to be able to do the very same for him.

Then, a shocking revelation came to light. 

Mr. A and I hadn't spoken in some months, but I instantly knew that he was gonna be on this like "white on rice". I didn't reach out because I had sworn to protect him at all costs.

See, Mr. A is married. She is a beautiful woman with grace and dignity that I could only aspire to. I would never put him in harm's way, especially knowing how serious the revelation was. I would give my life to protect them and their children if necessary.

Somehow, we reconnected and have been in nearly constant contact since. I do my best to lift him up as his work can be crushing at times. I try to help him laugh, breathe, release heavy emotions. I only want peace for this person that has become one of my closest friends.

I hurt when he has a bad day, I rejoice when he triumphs. I pray for him, for his family, for his team. I watch closely because I feel the need to pray for specifics for all of them.

We still joke and laugh and sorrow together. 

If anyone were to read this, they would absolutely be convinced that I am in love with him.

They wouldn't be wrong, but they would be missing the mark.

I care for Mr. A. But I have learned that it is possible to love someone of the opposite gender without feeling romantic. 

Yes. It IS possible.

I love him for the way he holds himself to a higher standard. I love him for his dedication to righting wrongs and defending people like me. I love him for his sense of humor. He says things that lead me to be petty and he protects that humor. I love him for the trust he has given me. I love him for allowing me to protect him in ways that the majority of the world will likely never understand.

Mr. A is truly one of my best friends. The things he has taught me over the years have earned him a respect that is only matched by one other person. 

Deep feelings do not have to be misconstrued, yet they often are. So I will continue to protect him. I choose this every day. 

Why?

Because love doesn't have to be what the world dictates. 

And that, my friends, is a hill I will die on.

Every single time.